I Missed A Lot Of Things Because Too Busy In Despair

Life keep moving, people change as time goes by. I still remember how my life was about school and stuff such as assignment, exam, and the test for university. It was around that things and also additional stuff (you know teenager thingy). But I can’t believe how far I move and improve. We are evolving as human both physical and mental as well as our phases of life. There’s a lot of values that I got within 26 years of my life. It has been a challenging journey to me, I went through a lot in these past 9 years and even currently I still rearrange my life.

I used to fail passing test to the Uni that I’ve sought of, and tried it out for multiple times in 2 consecutive years. I can’t stop here because I have life to live on. I was gave up and depressed during that time but someone bring me to reality that I can’t be stuck and missed another opportunity. Thank God I gradually risen from my adversity, start to build the broken pieces and recover my mental state.

Honestly, I still regretting what I did during that circumstance and feeling missed a lot of good opportunity on my side. I should keep my head up and heading to another direction. One failure wasn’t supposed to knock me down and stopping me to seek another opportunity, but this young dumb were being hopeless and crybaby as if life was over. I treasure the lesson to not being weak over a small pebble. Young must be eager and broad experience and yet unfortunately this is what lack. I have less experience and now I begin my new life to collect what I’ve missed.

Let’s gather up hope and eagerness to the place, I still alive I have time to build up my future. No time to feel sorry for myself, I wont let anything pass by anymore.

Focus On What You Can Handle

Come back again after a few days of being overwhelmed by myself. Recently I tried to focus on something new and put the others aside. And what I’ve got is messing with all my plans due. I wasn’t expecting it, and I just wrote down the schedules about my additional activity and some of my to-do list but seems like it didn’t work for me. I have no idea how I screw everything up just because I was focusing on something that I can’t handle.

I’ve been sought of something new such as unmaterialized dream. I was imagined about this and that for years since I have no chance to carry them out. But the fact about everything that you planned on your memo doesn’t reflect how it goes is truly frustrating. Maybe I wasn’t attempted enough to try it out or I was easily gave up? But I was trying until I dropped my essential out to satisfy my expectation, but it didn’t going well. There’s billion of things in the world and the fact you can’t nail them all is fair.

I just realized I cant push myself to it. The subject itself is not my thing. I just don’t tend to do this kind of activity. I made a plan and yet still impulsive at the same time. I should choose which one I might enjoy the most not only the new experience that I seek of. Seek of a new experience and challenge yourself are good as long as you can keep up and enjoy your thing, but if it ends up stressing you out I think you better stop.

Now it’s time to turn back on something that I can handle, I may be enjoying with, and probably would help me to achieve or more. There’s a lot of stuff to do and I decide to back on track. I don’t want to rush everything, I just want to re-do and re-start them all and consist it for a long time.


These past two days, I’ve been busy with my new activity. It suddenly happened without being planned, and surprisingly I’m enjoying it. As I said, I want to try something new, and here I’m knitting. What makes me interested in knitting? The answer is my mom. Yes, as she should, a mother inspired her kid.

I bought the equipment, and it only 3 pieces of knitting needles along with 3 types of yarns, which are Baby blue, Warm blue, and Tosca. I have no idea why I chose Tosca to be combining with the other two, but let me try them out. I plan to knit the scarf if I finish my first step of the guide. I’m excited to create something from these yarns.

Firstly, I learned to catch on and catch off the stitch. It’s never easy as it looked. I was frustrated with the so-called “Simple Things” because I had a hard time making a loop and tug with yarns using my fingers. My fingers were so stiff, so I can’t pull and tighten them. Several things could be done with a challenge. I do believe with the process that I do. Practice makes perfect, I’m sure as time goes by, I could nail it. I just need to try harder and not give it up to tough process.

Currently, I’m on the 2nd guide, which is working on the basics knit stitch. As it was, I could predict it since the first step. This one is toughest than making a loop and tug. The challenge isn’t on the technique but the way I keep crumpling the yarns when I try to transfer the needle with the cast-on stitches to my left hand. It annoyed me sometimes, but again it needs patience and focuses. But so far I enjoy it, and I hope to consist of doing my new hobby.

Despite the tough process and challenging your focuses yet patience, knitting is one of the healthiest activities to spend on. The little hardship isn’t supposed to lose your affection towards certain subject. I insist to keep doing what I’ve been consisted, to train my discipline.

The Gratitude

Life has been setting up by the creator, so everything does happen due to its plan. It’s cool to live in mystery every day, sometimes we ask, “What happens next?”. I enjoy living these dynamics.

I used to have a single bad day, and it got me annoyed. I was complaining over my misfortune and blamed my life for being unfair. Once complaint until thousand of complaints. It’s getting concerned when I complain about everything whereas I could enjoy something that I probably couldn’t get in the future. Yes, I’m still able to complain but doesn’t mean I can get angry over everything that doesn’t please me. But what’s the point? What would I get for bursting my anger towards the little shit in my beautiful life? Everything does happen for a reason. The thing that we need to do is accepting with a bigger heart.

I frequently forget to humble myself when I found happiness, and I was becoming too excited that I forgot to be grateful. Well, something I should remember when I’m on prosperity and glory is looking down to the earth, so I could keep standing on the ground and enjoy the moments. Lowering your pride and be sufficiently happy.

Now I want to be thankful for everything I’ve got in my life. For the meals, clothes, bedsheets, and the rest of the stuff. Also, I’m so thankful for the health, family, and loves that surrounding me. I always remember that the more you ungrateful, the more you’ll lose.

New Activity For Healing

Recently I’m interested with a lot of things some of them are baking and painting. I’m not deciding yet which one that I pick to spare my time. I don’t know where I get this idea it just popped out all of sudden. I want do gardening like I love the plants so much but with no passion. I found out gardening is enjoyable it’s like you grow your own child. I think doing the planting would be the best option for you who are not able to rise the pet.

Back to baking and painting two of these activities tend to chill our stress at least for my point of view. I don’t usually cooking or do anything that related to kitchen and food, I can’t cook at all but when my mom baked for doughnuts it truly distract me. I love the process through the large bowl and they way she’s combined the flour, baking powder, salt and nutmeg. She added the dry ingredients with the milk to the butter mixture, beating well with each addition. Continue until all the ingredients are well mixed. The next step she’s covered the dough for 1-2 hours until she cut it and fried it. It’s irresistible if the dough doesn’t have the sweet glaze, my mom used cheese cream to glue the cocho chips ceres.

It’s satisfied to eat this sweet meal especially when you do the process until it’s done. Cooking is not my passion and kitchen isn’t my place but I find a way to the kitchen after my 26 years life through the dough and bake. I want to practice my first ever dish but I still clueless where do I start?

And on another hand painting is attracting me for so many times when I see anyone put their brush on the canvas or just put the color on the coloring books. I looking for adult coloring book to begin with, maybe it the best guide to start drawing. I don’t know if there’s energy or spirit that comprise them or I just find painting is bringing relaxation for our mentality? As we knew that painting/drawing include our imagination colors and feeling, it must be good for teraphy.

I know everything is needing a process it doesn’t overnight kind of activity, that’s why I want to learn from the lowest level so slowly I can build my skill.

New Year New Path: Bring Out The Bucket List

Finally we are in 21st after living a whole mess in 20th, despite this year might not be different than last year but let’s rise the new spirit and energy to face 2021. In this pandemic I feel like losing a lot of opportunity, I have more time to spend at home and yet couldn’t use that time for good.

I have listed a lot of things that I want to do in 2020 but it still on my memo until today and I wasn’t starting one single list yet. Now I have a plan to bring them out like one by one, starting from today.

One of my bucket list are writing. There’s plenty types of text that I want to try such as Fiction, Poetry, and Review? (Maybe) but I don’t think I could nail it with my minimum skill. I can’t give it up to my insecurity, but for sure I learn through process and make writing as a new alternative to improve my English.

I want to write something light and relatable, I’m the type of person who can’t stand the big words and scientific analysist. It’s too much to handle, some people may enjoy the most complicated conspiracy or lore but for me reading the fan fiction or comedy is the best way to spare your free time I can’t use my brain for critical thinking and I would give up if I’m going too hard. So before i make this decision I learn about myself and find out where is my capability so I prefer to do my passion rather than do something that makes me look “genius”, it’s ok not to be smart / clever as long as you are wise it would be your savior.

This is would be my new begin and I want to embody all my dream through my ability, I’m not really good in writing but I like to write down everything inside my head. and currently is the best moment to start a new thing in your life because we can’t stuck in this situation without doing nothing. Pandemic stress you out and it requires us to limit our activity, as a human who keep moving and growing I think it’s a good idea to start your move. We can learn something different like make a new hobby or learn to be spontaneous. To be Hones I’m anxious while writing this essay because this is truly my first time but who is care since no one would find out this text. Surely I treat it as if I have ton of readers who’s aware of my text.

Well my first text is done and I’m about to arrange my schedule and I will post 2-3 times a week. The topic doesn’t limit to certain subject but I will talk about a lot of topic including myself (too full of yourself).